Apology
by Dana Katherine
Summary: Tonight he is not Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. No, tonight he is simply Jim Kirk, a man feeling a little lost and in need of someone to talk to.


Title: Apology

Rating: T (One use of the F-word)

A/N: This is a fill for a prompt over at the _new _kink meme. I'll admit it's not very kinky...but the OP liked it! The original prompt is at the bottom.

* * *

It is well after midnight in San Francisco and a man sits alone at a table in the mess of the Star Fleet academy. Tonight he is not Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the _U.S.S. Enterprise_. No, tonight he is simply Jim Kirk, a man feeling a little lost and in need of someone to talk to.

But Bones is in Georgia, visiting his daughter, Joanna. Apparently, helping to save Earth works wonders when trying to get an ex-wife to be civil with you. The crew of the _Enterprise_ will be leaving on its first five-year mission in just over a week, and this is the last chance for a long time he'll get to see his little girl. He told Jim that he would leave early and meet Jim in Riverside, though, if he decides to go.

When Jim got out of his meetings for the day there was a message waiting for him back in his room from his step-father. Well, ex-step-father since Winona had divorced him. The message simply told him that Frank wasn't going to be around much longer and he was asking Jim to come see him one last time.

And that's how he ended up here, staring into a cup of coffee, trying to decide if he's going to catch the shuttle to Riverside in the morning. He hears footsteps approaching him and the sound brings him out of his thoughts. He looks up and smiles at the old man (he _is _155 years old) approaching him. He starts to stand up, but is stopped when the older man puts his hand up.

"No need to stand for me…Captain." Jim simply nods and waves to the seat in front of him. Spock takes a seat in front of him and twitches the side of his mouth up in his form of a smile. "You look troubled, Jim."

Jim laughed, though it held little humor, and took a sip of his lukewarm coffee. "That's one word for it."

"You know I have been around for a long time, Jim. Perhaps I could help."

Suddenly, something in Jim's head clicked. "Wait, how did you know I was here? Someone sent you here, didn't they?"

"Your doctor friend was concerned about you."

"Bones sent you?" Jim laughed and finished off the rest of his coffee. "Figures since he can't be here himself to be a mother hen." The two men fell silent for several minutes before Jim was able to continue. "I know where you're from I knew my father, but in this timeline I got a step-dad instead."

Spock nodded. "Do you get along?"

Jim barked a hoarse laugh. "That's about as far from the truth as you can get." Spock nodded again and waited for Jim to continue. "He used to beat me up when I was younger. I wasn't a good kid, I know that. But, he drank…and when my mom would be off-planet…" Jim trailed off and suddenly found his coffee cup very intriguing. He was silent for several moments.

"Jim?" Jim looked up suddenly, slightly startled.

"Sorry. I've never told anybody about Frank…except Bones. And he had to get me shit-faced before I'd say anything." He cracked a grin at the older man, but it didn't last long. "I got a message from him today. He's dying, and he asked me to go to Iowa to see him one last time. The doctors only give him a couple more months."

Spock raised one eyebrow slightly. "And you do not wish to go."

Jim sighed. "Part of me says no. I don't owe that man anything."

"And the other part?"

"The other part…the other part wants to go, and show him just how far I've come. I want to show him he didn't win." The two fell silent again. A couple of cadets came in to grab a late-night snack, probably taking a break from an all night cramming session. It was about time for finals. Jim could hear their hushed exclamations of "Look, it's Captain Kirk!" and "I can't believe he's actually sitting right here in the mess!" as if Kirk himself hadn't been a mere cadet just a few weeks prior. Luckily, the two cadets chose not to approach him and left the mess hall with their food.

"Go." Jim looked up at the older man. "Trust me, Jim, leaving things unsaid is not the right choice. When the time comes that it's too late, you will come to regret not taking the chance when you had it."

Jim nodded. "Thanks." He stood up, as did Spock, and then Jim was unsure of what to do. This seemed like an appropriate time for a hug…with another human. But before he could think of the correct choice, Spock pulled him in for a hug. It was brief and when they pulled away, Jim looked up at the older man quizzically.

"Jim, I have just traveled back in time 129 years, a hug is not the most illogical thing that has happened." He gave another trademark grin and nodded at the young Captain. With that he turned, and with much Vulcan grace, left the mess. Jim couldn't help but chuckle to himself.

-*-*-*-*-*-

Jim waited impatiently in the humid, Iowa heat for the delayed shuttle from Atlanta. A little girl bumped into his legs, and he smiled down at her as her mother hurried her along, apologizing to him. He waved it off, and then sighed as he once again remembered that he was taking Bones away from his daughter early, but he couldn't help but be selfish. He didn't think that he could do this without him.

Finally, an hour after it was supposed to have landed, the shuttle came into view. The people around him became excited, and he felt himself grin. It took another ten minutes for the shuttle to land, unload its passengers, and for Bones to find him in the throng of people. But suddenly, there he was, standing in front of him with a duffel bag over his shoulder. Jim found he couldn't help himself and pulled the doctor into a hug. He heard Bones grumble something, but when he pulled back the doctor grinned.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself." The two started towards the parking lot in silence.

"I called my mom when I got in this morning. Frank's gotten worse, he's in the hospital." They finished the short walk in silence and stopped by the ground car that Jim had rented. He opened the trunk so that Bones could put his duffel in, and then he closed it again. He stayed standing where he was and Bones stood still as well, just looking at him. "Thanks for coming with me."

Bones nodded. "Anytime, Jim."

-*-*-*-*-*-

The hospital is only a fifteen minute drive away, and the two men complete the journey mostly in companionable silence. Bones can tell Jim is nervous, the knee on his non-driving leg is bouncing up and down. Bones could tell him that it will be alright, but he's not sure it will be. He could say "I'll be right there with you," but he knows that Jim knows that already. So instead he remains quiet, occasionally commenting on something they drive by, secretly glad to get to see a bit of where Jim grew up.

They pull into the hospital's parking lot, and Jim finally finds a space towards the back. They start walking towards the front entrance, and the closer they get the slower Jim walks.

"What the hell's wrong with me Bones?" Taking it as the rhetorical it is, he waits for Jim to continue. "I can face down bat-shit crazy Romulans from the future, but I'm afraid to go in there." Bones looks up and is taken aback by just how unguarded Jim's expression is. He can see right into him, and knows that his confession took a lot of trust.

"Frank is a much more tangible villain to you." Jim nods. With Nero he could almost pretend he was just doing another simulation, or playing a really intense video game. But Frank is all too real, and just the thought of seeing him takes Jim back to the days when he was Jimmy, just wishing his mom would come back to Earth.

They find themselves at the front desk, and the nurse points them in the direction of Frank's room. Jim opts to take the stairs up the five floors, probably to work off nervous energy. Bones follows him, albeit at a slower pace. Jim stops about three flights up and looks back down at him.

"Come on, old man," he taunts, his mask of control pushed away for a moment and a mischievous glint to his eye that Bones is thankful to see. The taunt has the effect that Jim desired, and they're soon both sprinting up the rest of the stairs. They come to the floor that houses the ICU and they exit the stairwell. Jim has his mask on again, and Bones wraps an arm around his shoulders and gives him a slight squeeze before letting go.

They arrive at Frank's room and both look inside. The privacy curtain is pulled most of the way, but they can see his feet poking up under the sheets. Jim tentatively enters the room, and Bones follows after him, but stays on the outside of the curtain. Bones can hear a wet, raspy cough come from the man in the bed. _His lungs are filled with fluid_, he thinks to himself.

Jim stands at the foot of the bed until Frank opens his eyes and looks at him. There is a moment of dead silence as they look at each other, and Bones is suddenly very uncomfortable.

"Jim," starts Frank before he coughs again. "Look at you. I figured you'd wear your uniform." Jim had thought about it, he really had. But he wanted to face Frank as Jim, not Captain Kirk. He needed to.

Jim shrugs. "Just decided not to," he says simply, before the room becomes tense again. Jim shoots Bones a glance, and Frank may be lying on his death bed, but he's still quite observant.

"Who's there, Jim?" He doesn't sound angry, so Bones gets up and goes to stand next to Jim.

"I'm Dr. Leonard McCoy, sir." He may have negative feelings towards this man for what he has done to Jim, but he just can't let his southern niceties go.

"Dr. McCoy…yeah, I remember you from the newscasts." Bones didn't think there was anyone in the world that hadn't seen the newscasts. Most of them showed the same picture, the one of the makeshift bridge crew right after they had gotten off of the shuttle at the academy. The news reporters had been so crazy that they had finally agreed to pose for a picture. They were all sleep deprived and mussed, and Jim and several others were still sporting numerous bruises, but they all had a smile on their face, a true smile that they hadn't been able to get rid of since they had, quite literally, gotten the weight of the world off of their shoulders.

Bones turned to Jim. "I'm going to go find some coffee, alright?" Jim nodded mutely back at him and watched as the doctor left the room.

"I hope he treats you well, Jim." Frank rasped.

Jim was taken aback at first, but he figured they probably were pretty see-through. Then, he had to hold back a snort and a 'What do you care?' "He's a good man." Frank nods and coughs some more.

"Jim, I'm not making it out of this hospital. As cliché as it is, I've been thinking a lot about my life, and there's only one thing I regret. Our relationship." Jim's eyes widen, but he says nothing. "I was a fucking asshole, I know that. I wish I could blame it on the alcohol, or the fact that I was upset about always being compared to your dad…and jealous that I'd never be the man he was." Jim does his best Bones/Spock impersonation, letting one eyebrow raise towards his hairline. "But there is no excuse. You didn't deserve any of it, and I'm sorry."

Jim briefly wonders what kind of drugs Frank is on. "You're sorry?" Jim feels himself tense up. "What is this, some kind of death-bed confession to make sure you don't go to hell?" Jim's voice has picked up volume and he fought the urge to start pacing.

"No, I know I'm going to hell. I don't expect you to forgive me, Jim. I don't think I could if I were standing in your shoes. But I wanted you to at least know that I do regret my actions, and I'd take them back if I could."

Jim feels his shoulders relax, despite himself, and he lets out the breath that he didn't know he was holding. He looks the dying man right in the eyes. "I appreciate it, Frank. And…" he takes a deep breath, "…I forgive you." He watches as several emotions run across the other man's face; confusion, disbelief, relief….relief? Had he truly been worried about this?

Frank nods, and Jim can tell he's slipping back into sleep. "Thanks for coming, Jim."

"Sure, Frank." Jim turns to leave, still in a bit of shock, but stops at the sound of Frank's voice.

"And, uh, even though I won't be here much longer, thanks for saving the Earth." Frank's eyes close and Jim looks at him for a moment. He takes in his ashen skin, and sunken eyes, and for a brief moment lets the feeling of _I wish things had been different between us _wash over him. But he quickly pulls himself back together and leaves the room. Bones is leaned up against the wall next to the door, as Jim knew he would be. When he sees Jim he stands up straight and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"He apologized," he tells the doctor, although he knows that Bones heard every word that was said. Bones simply smiles and pulls him in for a hug.

* * *

Original prompt:

_Post movie, maybe before The Enterprise takes off on it's mission, Kirk gets a message from his ex-stepfather (for the sake of this prompt, let's pretend Winona and Frank are divorced._

A it turns out, Frank is dying and he wants to see Jim one last time and mostly because he's curious - and maybe because he wants Frank to see how far he has come - he goes and sees the man.

To his surprise, Frank offers an apology, he says he's sorry for the abuse, for everything and he wants Kirk to forgive him.

Basically, he wants to die knowing he has been forgiven - like I said, something similar happened to someone I know and they told the person they were indeed forgiven, but anon can pick Kirk's reaction.

Does he forgive Frank or does he tell him to rot in hell.

Either reaction is believable, when you think about it.

I'd like for McCoy to be there with Kirk, they can be in an established relationship or at the beginning of a more than friends relationship.

Bonus if there's some words of advice from Spock!Prime.

Hope you enjoyed it!


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